Signs You Might Benefit From Therapy
Answering the age-old question, Do I need therapy?
I hear it all the time– ”I’ve probably needed therapy for a while, but it was never ‘bad’ enough for me to take the first step”. This sense that therapy is for crisis moments is a common feeling. But despite what we’ve been taught to believe by pop culture portrayals of therapy and cultural stigma around mental health, therapy is not just for crisis moments. It's a tool for anyone who wants to feel more like themselves, handle life more effectively, or simply have a space to think out loud with a trusted other.
So how do you know if you need therapy? Let’s dig in.
Emotional Signs
It’s tempting when we’re struggling to internalize issues and feel that once we finally get a break, things will calm down. This often isn’t the case as life tends to throw us curveball after curveball. In these cases, therapy can be a great way to support yourself as you go through the hard and healing chapters of life. Here are some signs that therapeutic support could help you get un-stuck:
You feel stuck in cycles of worry, anger, overthinking, or spiralling without any relief
Emotions feel overwhelming and hard to manage; maybe you feel like you’re drowning or your emotions are controlling you
You feel numb and are just going through the motions of day-to-day life
Some degree of emotional discomfort is absolutely normal, but when you notice this discomfort is persistent and impacting your everyday life, that’s a sign you might need help. Trust me, you’re not going to think your way out of these problems.
Relationship and Behavioural Signs
Often we can’t identify that we are struggling until other people point out changes in us. Or on the flip side, we may find ourselves starting to blame others for how we feel. It can be tempting to play the blame game and absolve ourselves of responsibility for how we feel and how we’re behaving. If you’re ready to stop playing the game, here are some signs therapy could help you. You are:
Withdrawing from friends and family; saying ‘no’ to invitations; opting out of traditions and rituals
Using substances, food, and screens to numb out when you are feeling stressed or stuck
Having difficulty sleeping, concentrating, and getting out of bed in the morning
Finding yourself feeling more irritable, more judgmental, and less patient with loved ones and strangers
Any one of these signs could indicate you need therapy. Often we ignore these signs because we may feel they are normal, or we may feel that we are “protecting our energy”. It’s important to know when we are practicing self-care, and when we are struggling in silence. Therapy can help you figure out the difference.
Life Changes and Transitions
While you may be amazing at handling change, anyone going through big life changes and transitions can benefit from therapy. Societally, we can also often normalize these changes in a way that makes us feel like ‘everyone goes through this’, ‘I’m not special’, and this can lead to us feeling like support is not necessary. These changes might be:
Going through separation or divorce
Being let go from a job, or deciding to change careers
Ending a friendship
Facing a medical diagnosis
Becoming a parent
…And a lot more
While therapy is not going to make these changes and transitions feel less impactful, it can be a supportive resource to help you weather the storm and be proud of how you navigated choppy waters. Even if these are common experiences, it is also common to seek help for going through them.
Curiousity is a Good Reason
Ultimately – while you may have a great reason to start therapy – you do not need a clear and concrete reason. Perhaps you’re curious and have an intuitive feeling it could benefit you. Maybe people in your life keep raving about it and you want to experience it for yourself. In my practice, often people will come in with curiousity and after a few sessions, we’ll actually identify several goals and intentions for our therapeutic work together.
What I’ve learned from these clients is that attending therapy when things feel good can be a great way to build skills for when things are not so good. You can work on disruptive behaviours, thoughts, emotional patterns, and relationship dynamics during a time of calm; many find this allows the work to feel more manageable and less daunting.
What to Expect
You might be feeling like, ugh yes Lily I know why I should go to therapy – but I am terrified or anxious about actually starting! Starting therapy can feel huge – you are going to sit across from a stranger and talk about yourself and your life. I know for me, it took me a few rounds of therapy with different therapists before feeling comfortable.
But what does that first step actually look like?
Well, the first step is to find a few therapists that you think you could talk to. It does not matter so much what their approach is, the most important thing is you feel like you can sit across from them and talk.
From there, I always recommend booking a 15 minute free consultation call. Almost all therapists offer these. I think of it like a ‘vibe check’. You can ask questions like, what will a typical session look like? How often do you see clients? What is your philosophy around how people grow and change?
Once you find someone, you’ll book your first session. Typically, a therapist is going to start slow. They want to build trust and rapport with you, and ultimately, they want to cultivate a feeling of safety. That means, you do not have to share everything up front if you don’t feel ready. You can dip your toe in, start slow, and share to your comfort level.
Some things to consider (aka, what is normal and okay):
It is normal and okay to try different therapists until you find a good fit. You might see a therapist for a few sessions and just feel like maybe it’s not the one. That is a normal experience, and what I recommend is reflecting on what felt good and what felt not so good, and then using that to inform who you work with next.
It is also normal and okay to take breaks from therapy. I take breaks from my therapist all the time! I am a firm believer that we do not always need to be working on ourselves. We also need time to live where we are at.
Progress in therapy is not linear. I like to think of therapeutic progress as an upward spiral. We are always moving up, but at times it can feel like we have taken steps backward. It is normal and okay to bring this up to your therapist and use it as a way to anchor into where you would like to focus next, or to realign on your goals for being in therapy.
FAQs About Therapy
How do I know if I need therapy or just need to talk to a friend?
Your friends are likely an incredible support in your life offering comfort, fun, guidance, and a reciprocal relationship. Therapists are trained to help you go deeper, and most importantly, allow the focus to stay on you. Therapy is a contained space where you do not have to worry about the other person or how what you say will impact them. This in itself can be healing.
Is there a "minimum" level of struggle required to see a therapist?
No, however, having a good sense of where you feel stuck can be helpful. If everything in your life is feeling aligned, hopeful, and smooth, maybe therapy isn’t for you right now. But chances are there’s an area of life that you feel could be better – for example, a common area people come to therapy for is help with improving familial or romantic relationships
How long does therapy usually take to work?
It depends on you, the topic you are bringing to therapy, your therapist, and how often you are attending therapy. Many clients feel a shift in themselves after a few sessions; however, deeper healing can take months or even years.
What’s the difference between a therapist and a psychologist?
In Canada, counsellor and psychotherapist are used interchangeably across provinces to describe people who conduct the act of psychotherapy. Psychotherapy is what we think of when we think of traditional talk therapy (although therapy today often extends beyond just talking through modalities like somatic therapy, EMDR, etc). A psychologist or psychiatrist can also offer psychotherapy, however, they can also diagnose mental health disorders and prescribe medication. A psychotherapist can refer clients to a psychologist when additional support is needed. Check with your benefits provider or HR business partner at work to understand what is covered!
Final Notes
If any of this resonates with you and you feel curious about starting therapy, you can book a consultation call with me at the link below. It’s free, it’s 15 minutes, and there’s no commitment – just a conversation.